Conflicting Views on Same Sex Marriage and How They Mesh in My Head

Inspired by chapter 26

Even as we seek to be meek and to avoid contention, we must not compromise or dilute our commitment to the truths we understand. We must not surrender our positions or our values. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the covenants we have made inevitably cast us as combatants in the eternal contest between truth and error. There is no middle ground in that contest.

-President Dallin H. Oaks "Loving Others and Living with Differences"

As I sit here on my laptop watching my littlest of my three girls eat Gerber banana puffs with one hand, and feeding our dog some with the other, I can’t help but I sit and contemplate who she will become over the years until one day she decides to let someone into her life and heart. Who will she be attracted to? Will they be a good person? Will they take good care of her and be there for her in the millstones of her life? Will they belong to our religion, to a different one, or reject the idea altogether? Will they have the same bad habits I once had before I found God? Will they get Sealed in the Temple or married outside of it? Just as importantly, will it be a man or a woman that she spends her life with? But most importantly, will they want to be part of our family or will they keep their distance? Actually, the most important question for me is will they like professional wrestling?

This week I am to write my feelings and the results of my study of this week’s lesson material about same sex marriage and defense of traditional marriage. Nothing says “let’s upset everyone I know” like writing about this in a public forum. The reason why I say this is because no one is really going to agree with me on either side of the argument and I don’t really care if I come off wishy washy or sitting on the fence and I will be honest in saying that I will come off as such. With this said I am going to split my perspective between my religious conviction and my personal perspective.

My Personal perspective:

Before I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I was very much extremely bigoted towards homosexuality, transgenderism, and anything outside a traditional marriage. I was one to use any and every slur towards those born this way, normally behind someone’s back or around others I knew felt the same. Did I have friends who was born gay? I sure did and I called myself a friend despite honestly being two-faced about that aspect about them. The reason why I was like this is because I had never taken the actual time it takes to get to know them more deeply and to attempt to get to know them. Eventually I would do this as I got older and would become indifferent towards homosexuality to an extent and with everything really with the slogan “I don’t what anyone does as long as it’s not hurting me or others” and people should be able to “do whatever they want”. I was still very much against it despite my permissiveness about life in general until I really allowed Christ into my life.

Once I started looking into becoming a member of the LDS church I would start to truly develop empathy towards all of God’s children including those who was born gay. Fast forward a couple of years later and I would find myself in the hotel room of my then manager who had been struggling with being gay and being a member of the LDS church. The had been painfully obvious to me for as long as I had known him even though it wasn’t truly obvious to him. He would finally come out to me for which my reply was a very big “duh” before we would then turn the conversation as to what I believe he should do in regards to how live his life. He was at a cross roads between staying active and celibate as he had a testimony of the Restored Gospel. The second option was the really hard one for him which was to forsake it all and live his life according to how he felt as well as to embrace himself for who he was.

I felt horribly un-qualified to tell him how to live his life but he also knew that I loved and respected him, I still do and always will. We weighed the options between the two options but my ultimate advice to him was that to know and understand that God will always love him no matter what. That he will still be welcomed back into the arms of the Savior regardless of what he chose and that same Savior would make everything right in the end as we have a just God while also having a loving and merciful God. In a couple of months, he will be getting married to another man and I will be going to the wedding, and I will support them in their endeavor to be a family even though they will not be a traditional family.

Personally speaking I would rather see a gay or lesbian couple trying to do the right things by committing themselves through marriage as opposed to living out of wedlock and they should have that privilege.

My religious conviction:

In the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we believe that marriage is an institution ordain by God and meant to be a unification between man and woman in order to be sealed for both time and eternity. To bring forth children so that those waiting in the premortal existence have a chance to come down and obtain a body as we believe that the spirit and body together is what constitutes a complete soul. The family is meant to be a microcosm of how a man and woman learn and better understand our Heavenly Father and the hierarchy of the Heavens. Marriage sealed in the Holy Temple is one of the most important steps we can take in this life, our religion surrounds it and we believe that anything outside of this lasts only until death. In addition to this we believe that the legalization of same sex marriage reflects the declining morality within this world and that we have been charged to defend a traditional marriage.

We are also taught that we love and do not judge one another regardless of how one chooses to live their lives. We are to continue to fellowship and not to shun those who live differently then we do as all men and women are free to use their agency according to their own dictates and we expect the same respect in turn.

You the reader are probably asking by now if I believe all of this and with a resounding yes! I have now either probably upset or confused you so let’s merge the two sides of me and see how I actually approach all of this.

How I reconcile it all:

Due to the pressures coming from the majority of those in the United State we have the legalization of same sex marriage and I recognize and respect this while also disagreeing with it. While I disagree with it, if you are married or getting married I love and fully support your decision because this is your life and you have the right to live it how you choose to and if it’s legal, then why wouldn’t you? The only thing I ask is that you don’t force me to change my religious beliefs knowing that I don’t plan on shoving them down your throat and that I want you to find happiness in this life. Just as importantly don’t tone down who you are around me and know that I would rather have the authentic you in my life and want our relationship to be based off of mutual respect and a lack of focus on our differences while embracing and celebrating our commonalities.

In respect to my children, I love and adore them unconditionally and I condemn every parent who has disowned or attempted to assign their love to be conditional on conformity. If you as a parent do that and claim to be a Christian then you have no idea what that actually means. If one or more of my girls end up being lesbian I will love them just the same and they will always be family, as is whoever they marry because families being forever is just more then a cute phrase to decorate your home with. That ideal has always been one of my key beliefs before I joined the church and will always be regardless of how my daughters turn out.