"Keep a place in your heart for forgiveness"

Inspired by chapter 20

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.”
-Dr. Sidney Simon

The only other people that can hold a grudge against each other better than 1980’s professional wrestlers are a married couple. In fact sometimes, depending on the couple, you would never be able to distinguish if it was a married couple or professional wrestlers grappling in the middle of a ring. Marriage is hardcore to say the least and on some days, I would rather wrestle Cactus Jack (BANG BANG!!!) in a “Japanese exploding ring barbwire rope death match” then have to have another fight with my wife. I say this knowing that I would come out of that match faring better than I would coming out of a fight with my wife.

Physical wounds heal over time and scar over, mental wounds can fester for a very long time, and they can even re-open for a variety of reasons and for that reason alone is why it is so important to make attempts at forgiving one another in marriage.

In marriage we are attempting to take two people and combine then into a single unit. But the problem with that is that we all have differences and differences cause problems and according to John Gottman’s research, about 2/3 of relationship problems are unsolvable. So with that statistic let me ask, does 69% percent of your issues never going away motivate you to become a better person or does it give you a knot in your stomach? For me I have to be honest and say that I’ve had a knot in my stomach since day one so all this does is confirm my pessimism, but I am also an idiot so let’s not listen to me on that particular and move on to the good news. 

In the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ there are two key doctrines that make everything else possible and those are the doctrines of Repentance and Forgiveness. In our relationship with our Savior we know we will never be perfect and therefore will need to ask for forgiveness time and time again. We will need to look into ourselves and makes hard choices and changes in order to turn into God instead of turning away from Deity which is what true repentance is all about. Our Savior having a perfect love for us will in turn give us forgiveness and in this is how our relationship with Him not only stays alive, but flourishes and deepens. 

Marriage in its purest form is this same relationship however there are key differences in that neither member of this coupling is perfect, and because neither of us are perfect we in turn can withhold forgiveness even after repentance has been made. We have all seen couples who constantly bring up past offenses, never let anything go, and resent one another in some form or fashion. They are miserable because while their marriage may still be alive on paper, in reality it has long since died.

To be honest I am one of those types who have a hard time forgiving and because of that I have caused undue pain in my marriage in never letting any offense go, or letting go of that 69%. My wife has a habit of never putting anything away and leaving her shoes everywhere and it has driven me nuts for as long as I have been with her. But having a miserable marriage or a divorce on the grounds of shoes being everywhere just sounds superficial and pitiful. Am I really allowing my pride and selfishness to run all over my marriage much like “Hulkamania” runs wild on you? Apparently so and here I thought I was better than that, oh wait there’s that pride showing up again.

In all seriousness though, if you truly love your spouse the greatest gift you can give them is the gift of forgiveness and give them this gift even before they ask for it. This is what true love, pure love is all about, and it’s why you either walked down that aisle or kneeled down at that alter.

My parents are the ultimate example of forgiveness of a spouse. In their time together on earth I have seen them put each other through some serious stuff. Stuff you should never do to anyone and yet their marriage lasted because they forgave one another.

The forgave one another even in the darkest moments, and having put each other through some of the worst things a spouse could put their other half through. This forgiveness wasn’t easy either, the forgiver fought tooth and nail to give that forgiveness and usually that effort was matching the others attempt to repent for the pain caused. They worked on forgiveness and repentance together, as equals, with a 100% effort being given by them both.

This to me should have been the ultimate example of how to be a good husband, but for too long I have chosen not to let it.

Today I choose to let it be…let the shoes fall where they may and the goods never put away.

In the squared circle called life, I want my wife to be my tag team partner, not my greatest rival.