"Would I Do it All Again?"

Inspired by Chapter 1

“Feeling deeply the difference between oneself and others, bearing ill will, and falling out with people— these things come from a heart that lacks compassion. If one wraps up everything with a heart of compassion, there will be no coming into conflict with people.”

― Yamamoto Tsunetomo, Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai

I’ve been married now for 7 years and as I attempt to form my thoughts into this writing I ask myself…

“Would I do it all again, would I get married again?”

Nope…

Becky if you are reading this please let me explain before you come and beat me up!

So the time between my first date with Becky and the day we got married was relatively short. We dated for 5 months and was engaged for another 5 months and it all whirled by without any real preparation or thought at least from my side of this. Honestly if I could go back to when we started dating I would go and slap myself really hard and give myself some advice. 

I would first tell myself to break it off immediately with a girl I was waiting for who was serving a mission. I kept that strung along until it blew up in my face having both offended and hurt both the girl and Becky along with me almost losing her as well. I was being a coward straight up because I feared that I was making a mistake by choosing Becky over the other girl or that things wouldn’t pan out and I would end up alone again. How insecure is that? Because of this, the foundation our relationship was founded on was based in part by deception and that time is tarnished by my cowardice. For that Becky I am sorry, you deserved better, both you and “L” deserved better.

I would then go on and tell myself to take Becky out on more dates and find things to do that we could really start building a stable foundation together. I would also tell myself to take some time and find a marriage preparation class to take if possible and take this time much more seriously while getting ready to make big changes in my life. I would give myself a copy of the book “Seven Principles for making marriage work.”

I would also tell myself to work hard on becoming a better person overall including becoming a better disciple of Jesus Christ. Hindsight is always obvious in what we should have done or not done but I also wasn’t really trying to become anything more then who I was at the time. This in part kept me from wanting and being able to compromise as a couple, being more selfless, and this also kept us from being Sealed in the Temple for a year. 

I would also tell myself that getting Sealed in the Temple isn’t some magical thing that makes your marriage perfect but instead gives you the ability to work together better to make it perfect in the end. It’s not going to cure everything wrong with our marriage and with myself because I wasn’t really trying to be one with my love. Instead of fighting tooth and nail with both my wife and Savior, I should have been allowing their influence to change me into something better so I could become closer to them and become one with Becky making that Sealing really mean something more than a fancy second wedding. 

Instead of being two people in this marriage, I would tell myself to root out everything that would keep us from being able to truly be equal partners in everything that encompasses our life as a couple and as parents. I would tell myself to get my pride in check. I would tell myself to put the Savior first, Becky an extremely close second, my children third, and myself last. 

I would tell myself to make the Savior the most important thing in our marriage, in our roles as parents, and as friends to one another. 

Lastly I would tell myself to ditch the “gangsta” style Dickie pants I wore to church and buy more suits. I looked like a weirdo, come on man this isn’t 1996 anymore!

Then I would slap myself one more time because I can and then leave.

“It is bad when one thing becomes two. One should not look for anything else in the Way of the Samurai. It is the same for anything that is called a Way. Therefore, it is inconsistent to hear something of the Way of Confucius or the Way of the Buddha, and say that this is the Way of the Samurai. If one understands things in this manner, he should be able to hear about all Ways and be more and more in accord with his own.”

― Yamamoto Tsunetomo, Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai